Awake and Unafraid 7/30/06 (not factual)

**SOUNDTRACK: "FAMOUS LAST WORDS"**

Gerard found himself in a bed with crisp white sheets. Only it wasn't his own bed. It wasn't even Andie's bed. Yet, he turned his head to see Andie lying across the bed on the pillow next to his. She was wearing that silky red gown and bright red lipstick. Wait...he'd been here before... Oh God! No! Not again!

He reached across the bed to touch her and, just as before, the bed seemed to get larger and the sheets engulfed him. He panicked. He knew how this ended. He didn't want to be here again. He wasn't supposed to be here again. Andie was home, safe at home, in her own bed...with him. He knew this to be true. But yet, he was in this place again. Why?

Gerard put his fears aside. He had to get to Andie this time. He had to save her. He tore through the white linens with a vengence. It wasn't fear that had overcome him now, but anger. They'd been through so much together. He wasn't going to lose her. Not now. Not ever.

Finally, he saw the silky red fabric of her gown again as he crawled through the maze of linens to her. Her bright red lipstick was thick and shiny on her motionless lips. Should he touch her? Wasn't that what happened the last time he was here? Yes, he remembered now. It was. And she was...dead. Was she...now? Was she dead? His beautiful Andie? She couldn't be... God why!?! Why did he have to be in this place!?! His heart raced and he thought it would explode out of his chest.

But Andie opened those blue eyes of hers and a smile crawled across her face. She reached up and pulled him close to her to kiss him with those shiny red lips.


Gerard awoke still in a panicked sweat and stared blankly at the ceiling, trying to breathe. He turned to see Andie, curled up next to him in her bed, sleeping peacefully.

The first light of the day was just peaking through the bedroom window and shed it's faint warm light over her face. Gerard, still half asleep and confused from his dream, reached up to touch her cheek with the back of his hand. Her face was warm and soft to his touch.

Andie's eyes blinked open and she smiled at him. She lovingly touched his hand at her cheek, and gazed at him in that soft, warm break-of-dawn light.

She wasn't going anywhere. He saw, in her eyes, the love she felt for him. And in that very moment, Gerard felt so at peace with himself, and with the entire world. He would no longer allow his mind to create that fear in him that he didn't deserve her, that she didn't want to be with him, or that he'd somehow lose her. No matter how much time they had together, whether it was days or a lifetime, he wouldn't let that fear take anything away from them ever again.

Gerard had finally come to grips with himself and that dark shadow of doubt and fear that had loomed over him since he'd met her.


They spent all day Sunday being lazy together. Gerard made them a late breakfast and they sat around all morning drinking coffee and talking, or just holding each other.

Gerard told her about the dreams he'd had and how he had been carrying this great fear of losing her. He told her that this morning, he finally let those fears go. Andie told him that now, she couldn't imagine her life ever being the same if he wasn't in it. He brought her out of the shell of depression Logan's death had caused her.

It brought them closer to share these things with each other. They felt a deeper bond now more than ever before. Gerard's dream this morning was clear to him now.


Some time later, Andie got restless and challenged Gerard to a match of Mortal Kombat on her X-box. She was much better than he'd expected and made him try harder than he'd had to with Ray even. He lost sorely to her more than once and she would tease him at her victory.

"I want to ask you something..." Gerard said to Andie as he put down the controller.

"What, Baby?" Andie smiled at his seriousness.

What he wanted to ask her about, could only be said outright. "How do you feel about...getting tested together...and checking into other forms of birth control?"

"I'm all for that. I was actually thinking that myself earlier," Andie leaned her head back against the black sofa as she spoke.

Gerard slid his hand around the back of her neck as he leaned in closer. "Good. Because I don't know about you, but I'd like to do that again sometime..."

"Sometime?" she raised her eyebrows and grinned up at him.

"Actually...a LOT more times..."

They both laughed softly before their still smiling lips met.


Gerard remembered Brian had emailed him their schedule and asked if she would mind if he printed it. When he turned on her computer, he noticed she had an icon for World of Warcraft.

"You play World of Warcraft??" he asked her in disbelief.

"Yeah...you wanna make something of it? Why, do you?"

"Fuck yeah!" he laughed. "What kind of character are you?"

"I play an undead mage."

"Really? I play an undead warrior!"

They had to laugh at how funny it was that they were both such geeks. Then they discussed their strategies and gameplay.


A short time later, when Gerard was looking over the printed email of his revised schedule, Andie asked if she could look at the comic he was working on. Of course he didn't mind. She sat down on the sofa with his sketchbook.

Andie opened the book to the first page. He had written "The Umbrella Academy" in large creepy letters in the middle of the page. A little further down, in the same creepy font, only smaller, it said "by Gerard Way."

She turned the page and studied the detailed drawing of his various chracters. One drawing had them were all standing around a casket by a huge dark tree. Actually, she noted, everything about the comic was dark and twisted, which intrigued her. As she read through the story, she noticed the boy character had this quirky, intelligent manner about him that reminded her of Gerard. Surely, she thought, he'd based this character at least somewhat on himself.

**NOTE TO READER: I HAVE SOME PICS OF THIS COMIC ON MY PROFILE - THOUGH I CANNOT CONFIRM THEY WERE DRAWN BY GERARD WAY OR GABRIEL BAJ**

She grinned as she marvelled at his work. Something looked familiar about the female character he'd drawn...

Gerard came over to sit by Andie on the sofa.

"So what do you think of it so far?" he asked, looking at his book in her lap.

"It's great...I love how dark it is, not just in imagery, but the story itself. But I gotta ask...this female character...she looks..." she hesitated to find the words.

"Like your superhero?" Gerard finished her sentence with a smile.

"Yeah...yeah! That's it."

"That's because I used the same face...at least for my drawing."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, unfortunately, there's NO way I could write this and draw everything myself right now. So the artwork will be done by Gabriel Baj. He's just immensely talented, though. I have some of his work here... And we'll get to meet him when we go to Comic-Con."

"This is awesome, Gerard. It really is. I am so excited for you."

They continued through his book. He would stop to explain the different characters and parts of the story he had written so far.

Andie looked over at him and suddenly realized this insight with him was very intimate. Once again, he'd managed to unknowingly amaze her just by being himself, and she savored the moment. She watched his face as he explained his project to her. She just had to smile at how incredible he was, and how incredibly lucky she was to have him in her life.