Hello Angel, Tell Me Where Are You? 7/24/06 (not factual)

Alone in the hospital room with Andie again, Gerard considered what to do now that she was off the sleep inducing medication. He called Andie's father and Mikey and told them both the news. Steve asked him to call him if she woke up before he would get there the next evening.

The steady blip of the EKG absentmindedly drew Gerard's attention as he closed his cellphone and slipped it back into his bookbag. He pulled that now familiar chair closer to her bed and sat down again. He watched her sleeping and the quiet way her chest rose and fell with each breath she took. It reminded him of the night she fell asleep next to him. His thoughts drifted back to when he'd first met her and a half grin crept up one side of his face. She was so fun to be around, laughing that beautiful laugh at him when he would flirt with her.

Ah...but there was so much more to her. She was more than just a pretty face to giggle at his antics. She was smart...and amazingly talented...and shy at times, then crazy other times. That must be what it feels like to find your other half...someone who just seemed to complete the circle that was your whole being. It's like she was his long lost twin, the yang to his yin...the one person who'd just been out there all along, waiting for him to find her. Just for this? Just for a few incredible days? How could that happen? How fucked up was that?

But then he realized...if he'd never met her, he would never have had those few incredible days with her. And he wouldn't give those back for anything in the world. He'd always believed in fate, or he'd always wanted to. Most things didn't usually work out for him, so he'd kind of gotten used to his fate being somewhat misguided or misunderstood. Until this band. And until this girl...

Meeting Andie was one of the best things that had ever happened to him. And no matter what happened, he was so very grateful for the chance to know her.

Gerard rested his forehead against the back of her hand, feeling helpless and alone.

She wouldn't want him to feel that way, he thought. Hell, she would probably kick his ass for thinking that way. Lifting his head, he focused on her tiny fingers. Those lovely hands of hers. Those talented hands of hers that made such beautiful music. Her red nail polish was coming off. It gave him an idea...something that would pass the time.

Gerard walked into the hallway and over to the nurse's station. It didn't take much for him to appeal to the staff's good nature. He returned to Andie's room with everything he needed.

Sitting in that chair that was beginning to feel like it was conforming to fit his ass perfectly, he carefully wiped the wet cotton ball over Andie's red nails and removed the old polish. How did he get so lucky that one of the nurse's had her teenage daughter's black polish with her? He laughed to himself. Andie would be so surprised. He felt kinda sneaky replacing the bright red with black. But hey, she'd get it. She always got him.

Gerard grimaced as he held her right hand with the IV stuck in it. He tried as hard as he could not to look at it. But the needle was so big. Creepy.

There. He studied his work on her hands as he faintly blew them dry.

After a long conversation with Mikey on his cellphone, Gerard settled into the G-chair and dozed off.


Gerard saw Andie lying on the bed next to him. She wore the most beautiful red gown...it looked silky and soft and he wanted to touch it. She smiled warmly across the pillow at him. Her lips were shiny with bright red lipstick and he wanted to kiss them and taste them. He reached over to her but the bed seemed to get larger and larger until he couldn't see her anymore. He tried to get up and crawl across the huge mattress to her, but he got lost in the white linens. They seemed to envelope him like a tent. He frantically pushed the fabric away from his face, trying to get to Andie. Finally, he saw the red silky fabric of the gown she was wearing. He crawled through the maze of linens to her. But when he reached her, her face was pale....and lifeless. He lifted his hand to her face and touched her cheek, but it was cold...so cold...and he shivered. He watched in horror as a trickle of blood streamed down from her lips and across her cheek where his hand had been.

NO!! GOD, NO!! IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY!! ANDIE!! WAKE UP!!


He awoke in a shivering, panicked sweat and bolted upright in the chair. Next to him, Andie lay, still peacefully sleeping, as the monitors beeped around her. His nightmare and all of this was too much to bear in that moment, and he buried his face in his hands in wept.

Rubbing his eyes, he looked up and reached over to take her hand in his once more.

"Andie?...Sugar?... You have to wake up, see? 'Cause...'cause I can't do this by myself. I need you, Andie. I need you like I need air to breathe..." he sobbed. "I love you, Andie... And you've got so much life ahead of you... And...and I wanna share that life with you... Someday, you're gonna walk down an aisle in a beautiful white dress... and I wanna be there at the end, waiting for you... and I wanna have babies with you and grow old with you... So you see? You just gotta wake up, Sugar... 'Cause we have so much more living to do together..."

Gerard stared at her motionless face and wiped his tears. Maybe he would feel better if he went for a walk and stretched his legs.

**SOUNDTRACK: "DISENCHANTED"**

Gerard walked through the halls of the hospital bracing himself with his cane, feeling hopeless and defeated once again. Why couldn't she just wake up? He needed an answer, he thought, or he just might need some help for himself at this hospital. He rounded the corner and saw the hospital's chapel across the hall.

Looking at the stained glass window on the door, he remembered admiring the colors in the windows at his grandma's church when he was a boy. She used to take him and Mikey all the time. Even though they stopped going years ago, they were good memories spent with his grandma. She was so kind and patient when she'd take them. He and Mikey were so bad sometimes. But his grandma didn't give up. She would do anything for them.

She would have liked Andie, he thought. Andie had that same fire in her that his grandma had. They would've probably conspired against him, actually, he thought and smiled faintly.

Walking through the doors, Gerard thought of his grandma and, just like so many other times in the past two years, he wished she were with him now. He sat down in one of the deserted pews and stared ahead to the statues of Mary and of Jesus on the cross. Those statues meant so much to his grandma. He never had the heart to tell her he didn't feel as strongly as she did. Oh he believed in God. And he believed God had a hand in everything that happened in life. But he never felt at home in a church before, not like some people do. Not like his grandma did. But he sure didn't have the answers himself. And he needed help for Andie...

"I don't know if I remember how to do this, Grandma, but I'll try..." Gerard whispered softly.

He knelt down in the pew and crossed his chest, just as she'd taught him so many years ago. Then he prayed. He prayed to God to just please bring Andie back to him. He promised he would keep going to the AA meetings and would stay sober... He promised he would take care of her... If he could just have Andie back...