Real Men Wear Makeup 7/17/06 (not factual)

Andie stood next to the workstation she would be using this on this job, rearranging the “tools” of the trade; her brushes and combs, hairstyling appliances, many hair products, and the large makeup kit that was open on the counter. It felt just like any other shoot she had been on before. She had no idea what the day about to unfold had in store for her.

“Guys, this is Andie. She’ll get you all ready for each shoot we’ll be taking this week for both The Black Parade and Famous Last Words” the director, Sam Bayer, was saying as he walked through the door.

Andie turned around to greet her new clients. There stood Sam, who’d hired her, and the five band members. The guys seemed to be in good spirits, considering it was so early yet. She’d learned quickly in this business that the talent almost always hated mornings. At first glance, and, since she was in the appearance business so to speak, they all looked as she’d recalled, all, that is, except the lead singer. His hair wasn't the longer black locks she'd always seen him with in the past. It was now a striking platinum blonde and very short.

They were all looking at her in the strangest way. She wondered for a moment if she had made a mistake.

“Andie?” asked Ray Toro, pointing at her. “You’re Andie?”

“Yeah...” she said, sounding slightly annoyed.

“Dude!” said Frank Iero, snickering and elbowing Bob. “I thought ‘Andy’ was a dude!”

“That’s no dude,” said Bob Bryar.

Gerard Way’s eyes were sparkling with mischievousness as a wide grin crawled across his face. “Alright you guys. Obviously, Miss...” he paused expectedly.

“Redmond...” Andie supplied with a slow nod.

“Obviously, Miss Redmond...” he paused again and cocked his head squinting at Andie. “It IS ‘Miss’ then?”

“Yes...” said Andie, studying Gerard with apprehension. “It’s ‘Miss’.”

“Well, obviously, you’re not a ‘dude’, as my friends here so eloquently put it. I apologize. I think we all assumed that ‘Andy’ was a guy,” he hesitated, studying Andie's reaction, worried he had offended her.

“I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with you being a girl.” He shook his head absentmindedly as he started rambling, “I mean, woman. Or that there’s anything wrong with girls named Andie even. I mean...we’re fine...and...and you’re fine. I mean...”

Gerard seemed at a loss and found himself uncharacteristically tripping over his own words. He sighed and looked up at the ceiling as his shoulders slumped.

“It’s no big deal.” Andie smiled, shaking her head and touching Gerard’s forearm for a brief moment.

Sam was summoned on his radio and excused himself before exiting the room.

Gerard looked down the spot on his arm where Andie’s hand had been, and smiled warmly at her as he regained the confidence he'd acquired in recent years.

“I’m Gerard Way.” He extended his hand to take hers. “And this is my brother, Mikey Way.”

Mikey smiley coyly and shook Andie’s hand.

“And this is Frank Iero, Bob Bryar, and Ray Toro,” continued Gerard as each member of their band stepped forward to shake Andie’s hand.

“Well,” Andie said as she put her hands on her hips. “Now that we are all on the same page with my gender, who’s first?”

“Ray,” the group said in unison.

Andie laughed. “What? Why Ray?”

“Seriously, have you seen this shit?” said Bob lifting a lock of Ray’s long wavy hair.

“Ray has crazy hair,” said Frank. “Trust us. You want to get that out of the way first.”

Ray didn’t looked shocked or upset as he shrugged. “What can I say? It’s a gift.”

“Alright Ray,” said Andie. “You're nominated.”

Just as Ray sat down in the salon chair Andie had indicated, Sam popped his head in the doorway.

“Sorry, Andie, I forgot to tell you. You have two hours tops.” Then he turned to the band. “And guys, when you’re finished up here, go straight to wardrobe for another quick fitting just in case any last minute alterations need to be made.”

The door shut again and the guys looked at Andie to see what her reaction would be as Gerard sat down in the chair next to Ray.

Mikey finally spoke up. “Is that gonna be enough time? Gee usually takes two hours just himself.”

"That's only when I do it myself," Gerard defended himself.

“Ah, don’t worry, guys,” said Andie. “You have yet to experience the things these magic hands can do.”

Ray looked over at Frank from Andie's chair and they both started snickering. Mikey pretended not to notice his friends’ behavior, but Gerard just grinned and coughed into his fist, attempting to refrain from laughing. Andie looked around the room at these misfits snickering when it dawned on her that they were making fun of her comment.

“OH MY GOD!” she exclaimed. “You guys are a bunch of pervs, aren’t you??”

“No! No! No!” Gerard leaned forward in his chair as if to emphasize his point. “Please. We’re all harmless, I swear.” Sitting back into the chair again, he shook his head, making a “tsk” sound and said, “I just can’t take these guys anywhere anymore.” Then he grinned mischievously over at his friends.

“What the fuck ever, Gee!” said Frank from a couch against the wall, throwing a small pillow at Gerard. “You’re a fucking perv, yourself!”

Gerard tried to shield himself from the cushion with his leg and hands and laughed. “Who? Me? Lies, all lies. Don't listen to them, Andie.”

Andie grinned at Gerard out of the corner of her eye and continued to subdue Ray’s mane.

Gerard pointed at Frank. “Just you wait. I’ll get you back, fucker.”

“Pfft...” retorted Frank.

“Dude,” laughed Ray. “It sounded just like you farted over there.”

“If I had,” said Frank, “You’d know it. Actually I smell 'April fresh' this morning."

“I can’t take you guys this early..." laughed Andie. "Look, I don’t know if you all should be allowed to have any, but there’s fresh coffee in the corner there. And a restroom through that doorway. Make yourselves comfortable.”

"Coffee! Yes!" exclaimed Gerard jumping up to get some.

"He has a slight addiction," explained Ray up to Andie.

"Mmm...I fucking love coffee, man," said Gerard helping himself. "I hope you have more, because I could drink the rest of this pot in two hours."

"That will make for an interesting performance," thought Frank aloud.

"Yeah, well I bet I don't fall over shit like some people!" Gerard retorted.

"Fallin' over shit is fun!" laughed Frank. "And you've done your share, too. So don't even act like you're all innocent over there."

Before long, Andie had finished with Ray and Bob took the seat next. Ray thanked Andie and headed out the door to wardrobe. Andie and Bob discussed how his hair would be styled and he asked if he could skip the eye makeup.

“So, Bob,” said Andie as she started applying a base makeup on him. “How can you be so quiet around these jokers?”

Bob laughed. “I'm not! Well, not usually. I don't know. I'm just fucking tired. It's too early for this shit."

“Yeah, it is..." agreed Andie.

"We should be used to this shit by now," said Gerard. "We were on tour for like two and a half years or something. And we'd still have to shoot our videos and do promotions and shit like that."

“So, you and Mikey are brothers...in the same band?” asked Andie.

“Really we’re all close like brothers, so it doesn’t seem much different for us” said Gerard.

“Except that we have the same mother calling to check up on us,” added Mikey.

Both brothers laughed in agreement as Andie began applying gel to Bob's hair.

When Andie finished up with Bob, Mikey took the seat. Bob complimented Andie on his hair before leaving the room and heading for wardrobe.

“You guys!” exclaimed Frank from across the room. “I am so fucking stoked about this video!”

“I know! I know!” agreed Gerard. “I can’t believe how much went into the production. It's just awesome how all these people are here taking their time to work on our shit for us. And it’s like Sam took our concept of everything we could possibly imagine for this video and just brought it all to life. He completely nailed it.”

“Wait..” said Andie. “You guys thought up the concept for ALL of that out there?”

Gerard couldn’t hide his excitement and pulled his leg up underneath him on the seat as he repositioned himself. He looked like he was about to spring off it.

“Oh yeah,” he continued. “We envisioned the whole patient concept...the characters in the parade, the costumes...even the backdrop of the city’s skyline! And they took all of those ideas and just made them happen.” His eyes sparkled like a boy's on Christmas morning. “It’s really awesome to see your own concepts just taking form like that.”

“Wow,” said Andie, stunned. “I am...amazed. That is just fucking...unbelievable. I’m stoked FOR you guys.”

Gerard grinned at Andie sheepishly. “Well...you are part of it you know...”

“What?” Andie stopped working on MIkey's hair waiting for Gerard to finish.

“You DO know you’re going to be an extra in the parade, right?” Gerard said slowly before sipping his coffee.

“Excuse me?!” exclaimed Andie dropping her arms to her side and staring at Gerard blankly. “Are you fucking kidding??”

“No, it’s true,” said Mikey. “Everyone on the set who isn’t part of the filming crew will be an extra in the 'parade'.”

“And that includes you!” Gerard's face beamed at Andie.

“Just wait til you see all the costumes they’ve designed,” said Frank. “Some of them are just crazy.”

“Yeah,” Gerard piped up again. “We got Colleen Atwood as the designer for the costumes. She designed the costumes for like 'Memoirs of a Geisha' and 'Edward Scissorhands' and shit!”

"Yeah," agreed Frank. "Gerard just showed her all these costumes he'd drawn and she just incorporated that into the finished product."

“Oh God,” worried Andie aloud. “I wasn’t prepared for this.”

“C’mon,” coaxed Gerard. "You'll have fun! I can help you pick out something in wardrobe when we’re done...if you want. And you can do me last.”

Andie grinned and this time she choked back a laugh at the comment, hoping nobody noticed. But Gerard saw what her eyes gave away.

“Andie!” he chastised as his mouth dropped open and he spread his arms out wide for effect. “Who’s the fuckin' perv, now?! Huh? Who?”

“Actually, I thought you were a perv all along,” joked Frank from the couch.

“I did, too” joked Mikey playing along. "You've got 'perv' written all over you."

"Plus, you don't take any shit from Gee," continued Frank.

“What?” laughed Andie. “You’re all hallucinating. And how does that make me a perv?"

"It doesn't," agreed Frank. "It just means you fit in with our normal perv-like insanity."

"Well, I want to know, how did I get myself into this mess anyway?” She was becoming seriously concerned about this new development...

“Too late!” yelled Gerard like a little boy playing tag on a playground. And added in a creepy voice with a devilish grin, “You’re...one...of... us...now...” He playfully clawed the air at Andie, who laughed and moved around Mikey to the furthest spot from Gerard.

“So, do you do this for a lot of bands' videos?” asked Mikey, changing the subject.

“A few,” said Andie. “Some have their own stylists that travel with them, though. I’ve done some casts on movie sets. A lot of times, a producer for a movie will want a specific look and wants someone like me to come in and do everyone’s hair and/or makeup as opposed to each cast member having a different stylist. They want some continuity among the whole casts’ style.”

“Wow,” said Gerard, genuinely interested. “That sounds like a pretty cool job. And you seem to enjoy it.”

“I do,” said Andie. “And look, I get to meet great people like you guys.”

“Yeah...” Frank cleared his throat in a manly fashion. “I’m pretty great.”

“So says your mom,” joked Gerard.

“Fuck yeah, she does,” said Frank.

Andie finished up with Mikey and Frank took the seat. Mikey thanked her and admired her work before heading out of the room towards wardrobe.

“So,” asked Gerard randomly playing with some makeup brushes. “Have you...’done’...a lot of celebrities?” He grinned.

“Look!” Andie defended herself. “I am not above kicking the talent’s ass, you know? Especially if it means defending my own honor!””

“Sorry! Sorry! I couldn’t resist!" Gerard apologized and shrugged. "No, seriously, have you?.”

“A few...” answered Andie coyly.

“Well...who??” begged Gerard, not because he cared so much about who, but only because she didn’t want to tell him.

“Geez!” complained Andie. “Ok...let's see...I’ve met the Chili Peppers and Blink 182. And I worked on the cast of 'The Dukes of Hazzard' recently."

“Actually,” corrected Gerard, “You can call me GEE, not GEEZ.”

“GEE you’re a geek,” said Frank. “So you ‘did’ Daisy Mae?” he asked Andie with a grin.

“No,” Andie corrected. “I ‘did’ Johnny Knoxville and Sean William Scott. Your Daisy Mae had her own stylist.”

“Yeehaw!!” exclaimed Frank.

“Now who’s the geek?” asked Gerard, rolling his eyes before he looked up at Andie again. “So do you ever have to make the decision as to what kind of style to ‘do’ someone, or a band?”

Andie put one hand on her hip and pointed at Gerard with a bottle of hair gel. “Now look!”

“You are just asking for it, dumbass,” said Frank.

“Sorry!” apologized Gerard. “Really. I’m trying. I swear. But it's just so easy! I can't help it... And besides, you said it yourself a minute ago about Johnny Knoxville and Sean William Scott.”

“Somebody’s jealous,” sang Frank.

“Yeah? Well, wait til I get you in my seat,” Andie squinted at Gerard.

“I’m looking forward to it,” Gerard challenged with a smile. “Now c'mon, you didn’t answer my question!”

“Ahhh!” Andie rolled her eyes. “Ok...well, I look at previous footage and shots of the person or people I’ll be...STYLING...beforehand so I have an idea of what they’re about.”

“So...” Gerard spoke while completing his thought. “You’ve looked at footage and shots of all of us then?”

“Well...yeah,” said Andie in a matter of fact way. “So?”

“So...what do you think of us? I mean, our style, our music?” asked Gerard.

“His ugly mug?” continued Frank.

“That’s not what I meant,” Gerard defended himself.

“That is exactly what you meant,” challenged Frank. “You just didn’t have the balls to say it.”

“That’s it,” Gerard stared at Frank. “You're gonna get it, Frank. And soon...”

Gerard turned to Andie. “So?”

“So...” Andie shied away a bit. “So...I think you guys have great style.”

“And our music?” asked Gerard truly interested in her response.

“I love the music,” smiled Andie genuinely.

“Have you bought any of our cd's then?” Gerard continued to prod.

“Well...yeah,” answered Andie, continuing to style Frank's hair.

“For professional purposes or personal purposes?” Gerard kept inquiring.

“Both,” answered Andie smartly.

“And...” Gerard decided to stick his ass out there while he was on a roll. “What about my ugly mug?” He grinned childishly.

“BALLS!!” screamed Frank unexpectedly from Andie’s seat and startled Andie into a laugh. “Hey everyone! Gee just grew balls!”

Gerard punched Frank's arm. “Are you prepared for his, man? ‘Cause I’m gonna fuck with you when you least expect it my friend.”

“Alright,” Andie moved back from Frank. “I hate to break up this lovefest, but Frank, you’re finished.”

Gerard jumped up from his seat. “I’m next! I’m next! Me! Me! Me!”

“Like I’ve never heard that before,” complained Frank walking out the door.

“Hey!” yelled Gerard. “Hey!” He pointed with two fingers to his own eyes then turned his hand around to point them at Frank. “When you least expect it, my friend.”

“Fuck you, Gee,” Frank laughed. “Later, Andie.”